Shock and heartbreak comes to our family

Okay, so I haven't written in quite a while. We have had a devastating shock to our family. On Mar. 14th our son-in-law, Darby came home from work that afternoon to find our daughter, his wife, Shelly had passed away unexpectedly. Our lives were pretty much turned upside down and inside out.  Shelly had been working from home since last August, as she has been having lots of back pain and been doing lots of Doctoring. In fact I had been with her two weeks before this to Mayo Clinic in Rochester, where she had been through 6 days full of testing, poking and proddings.  They found that she had been misdiagnosed so took her off the strong medications she was on.  Now they told her she had deterioration of the spine and the worst they had seen for anyone her age. She also had an aneurism in her heart and her heart was beating way faster than it should be. But they sent her home and told her both medications she had been on are known for speeding up the heart so could be to blame for that, so they wanted to give it 6 wks for all that medication to get out of her system, then they would recheck. For her spine they gave her infusions in her spine 2 days in a row, a total of 5. The guy told me when he brought Shelly back out to the waiting room after them that she was one strong Cooky, she had about the highest tolerance of pain he had seen, as most people don't take those infusions like she did, as he patted her on the shoulder.  But the cause of her death as we have been told was something all together different from what she has been battling these past few months. She died from a pulmenary ambulism. Which is a blood clot that traveled from her heart to her lungs, they say she was probably gone before she hit the floor. Oh how I hope they know what they are talking about. I have to keep telling myself that what they say is so, I couldn't bear the thought of her suffering. This has been the greatest shock in my life. Shelly was my go to person for everything. She lived only 3/4 mile from us we spent so much time together.  We spent many evenings riding around the woods with our atvs together. This past winter and even this spring we would have a few games of whist or rummy just about every evening. Some nights she would be in so much pain that she could hardly hang on to her cards, she was shaking so bad, but loved playing cards and I think it maybe helped her through the pain as it helped her take her mind off the pain for a bit.  As I look back I know that girl really suffered the past year, but she never really complained. I know she was really sick and tired of being sick and tired, as sleep was something else she got very little of. Guess if nothing else I can be thankful that she is no longer suffering and in pain.  But I miss her so much, my heart aches for her and for the day I will get to see her again.  The time since her passing has been like a whirlwind, life keeps on going when in my heart and mind I feel like I'm at a standstill and everything is going on around me.. I go through the motions but really it all feels like a dream I have a hard time remembering so many things. I never knew that when people spoke about a broken heart and the loss of loved ones that you really do feel an actual pain and ache in your chest, at times I have thought maybe I was having a heart attack it hurts so bad, I can't explain it any other way but than it  feels like a part of my heart has been ripped out of my chest, it hurts so I find myself gripping my chest at times.  I have lost several loved ones before, But this time has been so different, this was my baby, my little girl, it is not the way life is supposed to be. Parents are supposed to go before thier children, they are not supposed to have to bury thier children, no matter how old they are it is just not right. Having make her funeral arrangements and pick out her casket, all those things she was supposed to be the one doing that for us. This is just not right. I am so proud of my family they stepped up and really did an awesome job, for Shelly. I am so thankful for them each and every one. We are so very blessed, our family is so close, so loving, thoughtful and kind. I can't begin to put into words the love I hold in my heart for each and everyone of them.  They did a wonderful job making the plans and doing so many things that made her funeral day one that she would be so proud of, I know she was smiling that day for sure...  Enough of this for tonight, I will try write more on all this later. Goodnight world.